| HAVE A GIGGLE: BDSM JOKES |
Sue and Sally meet at their 30th class reunion, and they haven't seen each other since graduation. They begin to talk and bring each other up to date. The conversation covers their husbands, their children, homes, etc. and finally gets around to their sex lives. Sue says "It's OK. We get it on every week or so but it's no big adventure, how's yours?" Sally replies "It's just great, ever since we got into S&M." Sue is aghast. "Really Sally, I never would have guessed that you would go for that." "Oh, sure," says Sally, "He snores while I masturbate." One day Mom was cleaning junior's room and in the closet she found a bondage S+M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her. She hid the magazine until his father got home and showed it to him. He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word. She finally asked him, " Well what should we do about this?" Dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him." Q: What's the difference between Sensuous and Kinky? A: Sensuous they use the feather, Kinky they use the whole chicken. The Millers were shown into the dentist's office, where Mr. Miller made it clear he was in a big hurry. "No expensive extras, Doctor," he ordered. "No gas or needles or any of that fancy stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with." "I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you," said the dentist admiringly. "Now, which tooth is it?" Mr. Miller turned to his wife: "Show him your tooth, Honey." Q: What do you call a gay hairy 300 pound German rubber fetishist? A: A Gummi Bear. True Masochist to a True Sadist: Hurt me. True Sadist to a True Masochist: No. You know you are kinky when ... ... You hear about a Bridal Fashion Show to be held in your town, and you think, "Cool! I've always wanted to see what pony gear looks like ON someone!" ... Your entire Music collection consists of music you can Scene to. ... You give a new song a rating of 65....it's got a good beat and you can squirm to it. ... You start to salivate and get aroused as you pass the local candle factory. ... You always smell like Yankee Candle's Scent-Of-The-Month. ... Canning season gets you *really* excited. ... You see a sign in front of a house that reads, Chairs Caned, and you think to yourself, "Gee, some people are BLATANT about being out. " ... You see a sign in front of a house that reads, Chairs Caned, and you stop to see if the poor Dom/me needs a PERSON to cane. ... Citibank calls you because someone used your credit card to make a huge purchase at a tack shop in another state, and they know that you live in a metropolitan area and don't own a horse. ... You make your vacation destination decisions based on that area's Assault and Battery, Consent, and Sexual Deviance laws. ... Your Avon Representative politely informs you that the company has no plans to make that Eau de Leather scent you have been pestering them about. ... Your idea of Fantasy Island looks far more like "Exit to Eden" than anything they showed on TV. ... They know you by name, size, and favorite colors at *four* local leather shops. ... You need an 18-wheeler to haul all your toys to a party. ... Your son's Boy Scout Troop thinks you are way cool because you helped them earn their merit badge for knot tying. |
 |
|
| WARNING: MISS LUCY WILL NOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR THE POOR QUALITY OF THESE JOKES! |
|
|
|
|
|
|
| The top ten reasons nipple rings are a GOOD idea: #10. You gain a new and much higher threshold for pain. #9. You have more than just your purse to keep from losing your car keys. #8. With a little body english and a short copper wire, you can pick up pay-per-view if the weather is right. #7. You can now jump car batteries without cables. #6. With only a spinning table and spot light you can earn extra cash renting yourself out to Club parties. #5. Those nasty stretch marks are no longer the center of attention for your husband or boyfriend. #4. You always have a ready replacement if you lose your wedding ring. #3. Every elf in the universe is now your loyal friend for life. #2. Hanging ten is childs play. Hanging by two?? Now thats impressive! #1. Hard vibrators can be "way more" than a girl's best friend. The top ten reasons nipple rings are a BAD idea: #10. Perpetual delays at airport security scanners. #9. Potential law suits from elderly people with pacemakers. #8. A friend asks to see your ring and in a blonde moment you almost do it. #7. For some reason, combs will seem like threats. #6. Mud wrestling as an occupation is no longer an option. #5. Cats and babies are attracted to shiny things. #4. You'll now have to deal with Velcro nightmares. #3. The aging process has taken on a whole new meaning. #2. Skinny dipping is a real challenge because of your artificial lures. #1. Lightning... it's not just something that happens to other people anymore. Top 10 Things You'll Never Hear a sub say to their Master #10 How was I supposed to know I wasn't supposed to put your leather pants in the washer? #9 Yeah, right... SPANK THIS! #8 Tomorrow night, I get to tie you up, right? #7 God, you Dom's think the world should bow before you! #6 And just what do you think you are going to do with that paddle? #5 Sorry, I got a date tomorrow night. Some other time, perhaps? #4 Spanking? I-THINK-NOT! #3 Who died and left you in charge? #2 Do your own damn laundry! And the #1 thing you will never hear a sub say to their Master... What do I look like, your maid? |
|
|
|
| Hear about the prostitute who was into bondage? She was strapped for cash. Everyone on earth dies and goes to heaven God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter." With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men God got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?" And the man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here." |
|
|