| BDSM: THE BASICS |
| What is BDSM? Lets start with the basics shall we? BDSM is a term which describes a number of related patterns of sexual behavour. The major subgroupings are described in the abbreviation "BDSM" itself: Bondage and Discipline(B&D) : Bondage:Restraining someone by use of ropes, hand cuffs or various other articles. Discipline: A power exchange where one person *punishes* another. Domination & submission (D&S, DS, D/S) Dominance & Submission: D&S is an erotic power game, where one person gets off on the thrill of controlling, the other on the thrill of being controlled. Sadomasochism or sadism & Masochism (S&M, SM) Sadism: A form of giving intense stimulation(s) (physical or mental) or pain to another. Masochism: Receiving intense stimulation(s) (physical or mental) or pain. Some sources estimate the prevalence of BDSM behavior in countries such as the United States at around 5 to 10% of the adult population. While the stereotype of heterosexual BDSM is a male dominant and female submissive, the reality is almost evenly split between "maledom" and "femdom" couples. BDSM may or may not involve sex of any kind. BDSM may or may not involve sexual role playing . BDSM may or may not involve ageplay. How dominant or submissive a person may be in their regular life does not always determine their preferred role in BDSM play though many people do manifest these tendencies. Often people who express one role in their regular life, such as at work, strongly desire to express the opposite role within their sexual life, as a kind of release. BDSM play often includes the psychological pleasure of fetishes. Some BDSM players are polyamorousor are sexually monogamous but engage in non-sexual play with others. A couple may engage in BDSM sexually, and otherwise have a completely " normal " relationship. People who are submissive with their partner in a BDSM "scene" may not be necessarily submissive in other aspects of their lives. Mutual consent is what distinguishes BDSM from abuse and assault, just as consent distinguishes sex from rape. Context is what determines whether or not pain is experienced as pleasurable, though the context depends on the individual. An example of "good" pain may be getting scratched during sex, while an example of "bad" pain may be stubbing your toe. Some individuals view BDSM as their sexual orientation, like heterosexuality, homosexuality, and bisexuality. Others view it as a chosen sexual practice. In either case it needs to be respected. Accidents can happen in BDSM, just as in any other physical activity, but this isn't abuse. Rings, collars, brands, piercings or tattoos can be symbols of commitment which are as sacred as marriage bands. Both "tops" and "bottoms" can have bruises or soreness from a play session (scene). Both "tops" and "bottoms," regardless of their sex, can be abused. Abuse isn't BDSM...it is just abuse. History The historical origins of BDSM are obscure. There are anecdotal reports of people willingly being bound or whipped as a prelude to, or substitute for, sex going back to the fourteenth century. The medieval phenomenon of courtly love in all of its slavish devotion and ambivalence has been suggested by some writers to be a precursor of BDSM. Some sources claim that BDSM as a distinct form of sexual behaviour originated at the beginning of the 18th century when Western civilization began medically and legally categorizing sexual behaviour. Other sources give a broader definition citing BDSM-like behaviour in earlier times and other cultures, such as the medieval flagellants and the physical ordeal rituals of some Native American societies. Although the names of the Marquis de Sade and Leopold von Sacher-Masoch are attached to the terms sadism and masochism respectively, the question remains as to whether their ways of life would meet with modern BDSM standards of informed consent. Is/Isn't People that practice BDSM are not rapists, psychos, freaks, a threat to decent society or insane BDSM is all about the fulfillment of deep and primal needs, it isn't about getting someone in a situation where you can force them to sleep with you or beat them up. It is an act of love, not violence or anger. It respects both the needs and desires all all parties involed, not just the Top/Dom/Domme/Master/Mistress making someone do what they want. |
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